pity party?

Naaah.

So, life has NOT been going smoothly the past...month? Circumstances have just sucked! All over.

Especially when it comes to the fact that I have been searching for a job since the beginning of May and have yet to find one even though it is now mid-June! I know the economy is in the pits. I know that it's hard for adults to even find a job now a days. BUT, that doesn't change the fact that I still need a job. And when I say need, I mean need. I've come to terms with the fact that in order to go to this amazing, heaven-sent Grace College of mine, there's going to be a set amount of money that comes out of my pocket each week to pay for it. I'm DOWN. I'm ready to pay for that. I know that's where God's leading me and I know that's what it's going to take. And I'm ready to work my butt off to make that dream become a reality! But, after a month or so of working to find work, I'm still work-less. And I've about had it. I'm frustrated. I feel worthless. I want to work and feel used and feel like I'm contributing to some sort of purpose! Buuut, instead I've just been going round and round, job application, job interview, getting a phone call that goes along the lines of "Danielle, we really love you. But we can't afford to hire anyone at the moment. We'll keep your application.".

The most frustrating part of it all though? That without a summer job, college this fall looks impossible. And why would God simply not provide a way? I know He can. And therefore I know He's not. And it's taken just about everything to keep trusting that His reasons are better and clearer than my logic. Because they are.

And so, NO. I'm not throwing a pity party. Although there have been several sleepless, tear-filled nights. And NO, I'm not giving up. Although I feel like I might as well. I'm just...frustrated. I just feel...challenged. And why shouldn't I if that's what triggers growth, you know? I've just completed the most frustrating, challenging year of my life! (Senior year) And now God has to have something up His sleeve to continue to grow my character. I think I'm missing the point. It is purpose. It is provision. Just not in the conventional human-mind way. And I know God's in control, so He'll provide everything I need in the end. Amen!