life is getting..

Life is moving so fast now.
And I've been told by countless people on numerous occasions that it only gets faster from here.

So, quick update on all things in my life, I finished out my first semester strong! Getting good, solid grades. I took my ACT and SAT on two consecutive weekends, and I did the exact same on them as I did last year, so that was disappointing, but at least I was consistent! I participated in my orchestra's Christmas concert, and even went on the orchestra field trip to the Indianapolis Arts Garden to preform! That was cool.

Miller Basketball has started up, and it's my senior year, so it feels better than ever! I have a long history with my highschool's basketball team, my grandpa used to take me to every home game from the time I was 3 or 4, just to watch, just for fun. And I developed a love for that team unlike any other! I'm a total superfan now. And I love it! I get to sit in the student section, with my senior jersey, and I get to cheer for people that I know now on that team. It seriously couldn't get any better. I think that's my favorite part of being a senior in highschool this year, the basketball games :) (haha, I feel a special edition blog entry about me and Miller Basketball coming on!) Anyways, church has been going awesome too!

I've started serving in the Hispanic ministry. So, every sunday, after I get done with second service with the youth group, I head on over to a little classroom full of beautiful little Spanish-speaking kiddos and I get to love on them and read to them and play with them. It's sooo much fun. Like, the highlight of my week. It's been a little awkward at times, and it's taken a while to fully immerse myself in the ministry, but I'm finally starting to feel at home serving there. Apparently, once things get in full swing again (it's been crazy with Christmas) I'll get to teach the older kids. It was really cool to hear one of my heroines tell me that she that she thinks that I could really impact this ministry based on my Spanish, my creativity, and my young relatable-ness. I'm all in for this ministry, and I can't wait to see it take off!

As for an update with college, I've gotten accepted into every college that I've applied to so far! I'm accepted to Ball State, Grace College, Indiana Wesleyan University, Lee University, and Harding University. The only college I'm waiting to hear back from is Grove City College, and they won't get back to me until March 15th. What a long time to wait, huh? And GCC is probably my top choice. And GCC is probably the college that I have the worst odds at getting into, based on their super prestigious standards. And GCC is probably the college that I won't receive as many scholarships for, also because of their high academic standards. So, I'm in a really tough place right now. But I know that God will send me to the college of His choice and no matter what He'll provide the means to get me there. As for my second choice? I have no idea. I really like HU, but there are a few college that I haven't visited yet that I'm waiting to make up my mind about that might take the cake for second. But right now, I've been really warming up to the idea of Harding. It's challenging, close to my price range, and I really like the campus and the diversity of the campus. But, I'm still up in the air about it all. Which is okay I think.

And now personally, I feel like I'm just pulling away. From everything. I haven't had as good of a quiet time as I should have. I haven't been investing quite like I used to. I haven't been driving myself and pushing myself like I know I have the potential to. It's just all been kind of numb. Especially this month, this month wasn't my prime. I know. But, throughout this month, what I've felt most from God is how much He never gives up on us and always provides. Because whenever I was to my absolute breaking point, God would always provide something or someone or a conversation to lift me up and teach me something about Himself and give me some new, fresh Hope for the future. But I just haven't been embracing life like I should've I feel like. And I don't really even know if that's a bad thing. I know that God is using this year to build up my character, and slowly uproot me from everything I'm used to and get me ready to move to an entirely different area, to live and thrive and grow in college. Maybe it's normal to start feeling this intense of a disconnect. But then at the same time there's the whole "I'm still here for a reason" argument. If God would've wanted me to be disconnected and in college right now, I would be, He would've made me graduate last year. So, I know that I still need to surrender to God and His plan for me right here and right now exactly where I am and how I am. It's just a matter of balance. But, it's always easier typing it out on a blog than truly letting it seep into my heart and change the way I'm living.

Life's just been a blur this past month. I've been busy, I've been anxious, I've been content, I've been provided for, I've felt numb, I've felt disconnected, I've had good times and bad times and whole lot of in-between. But I still place my Hope and my Trust and my Faith in the Lord every day and I know that He'll lead me to wherever He wants to.

But life is getting so hard now.
And I've been told by countless people on numerous occasions that it only gets harder from here.