God is..

This weekend was so wonderful. I don't even know how to fathom all that He's done for me this weekend. He provided for me everything I've needed AND wanted. I feel so refreshed. Ahh...

The past couple weeks my hearts just been aching. I've really been missing junior year and all the awesomeness that it had in store. I've been reflecting on my high school career and everything that's changed. And oh my goodness, how EVERYTHING has CHANGED. It's just unsteadying. It's scary. It's weird. It's so different. And you know what? God never changes. He is always the same. He's the same today as He was the first time I was overwhelmed by His presence that one CIY my 7th grade year. He's the same today as He was on my first mission trip in 8th grade to New Orleans, when I learned what serving really meant. He's the same today as He was through all the struggles of my freshman and sophomore years. He's the same today as He was when I was completely taken aback by the strength and amazingness of His Love in Panama, over a year ago! He never changes. God is always the same. And I find such comfort and peace in that. Especially since this next year, 2010, will be one of the biggest changes of my life!

The past couple of weeks my heart has been pretty needy. It's just wanted someone who "understood" or someone who'd show that little bit of extra love that'd just lift my spirits.. I wanted to feel special. And encouraged. And loved. Instead, I've found some pretty awful stuff. People suck. Sometimes, I hate being so nice and so extroverted, because I just set my standards so high for the way people should treat me. It's the way I treat them, so they should treat me the same, shouldn't they? Not at all, people are so rude, and mean, and frustrating, and snobby, and hateful, and exclusive, and everything that I try with all my heart not to be to them. I feel so called to love the unlovable! I don't even know how to stress to you how strong of a call I feel! I know that God's gifted me in that area, and I long to use it ALWAYS. It's harder NOT to love people than to love people. But I just take it so personally when people don't treat me the same way. I really take it to heart. I still don't know what God's teaching me in this area, or how to deal, but I know that He'll never fail me. Because.. God is infallible. God is understanding. God is love. God is kind. God will always treat me better than I treat Him. And how truly comforting to see! And what peace it gives me to know that He does, even when it feels like no one else does. And what a call to action that gives me, that I should treat others better than they treat me, because that's what God's done for me! What an example that He's set for me!

And, lately, I've felt really apathetic. It's just..everything is so old, I've done it before, I'm not being fed anymore by sr. high ministry, I'm not excited like I used to be. But you know what? It's not for the rest of those senior highers! And I've already said it's my calling to make sure people around me are treated way better than I've been. And God is never old. He is consistent. He makes all things new. He gives us Hope. He is our motivation. Otherwise, what would we be living for? Heaven would be better than sitting on our butts here on earth and not doing anything! And there'll always be those desert periods, there'll always be those times where we don't feel Him strongly, and those are times of pruning ourselves and EXTREME UNCOMFORTABLE GROWING. And, even though it hasn't felt like I've been growing lately, God's been at work. He's always at work.

So, that's what God's been teaching me lately. God's revealed himself to me through a lot of crap, but not all growing is fun I guess, and that's just another lesson I'm learning. My God is the God who provides. He never changes. He never fails, never gives up, never gets complacent on us. He's loving and understanding and kind. And He is our Hope. He is our encouragement. He the molder of our hearts. And He is without hesitation to save us from ourselves. Thank you God for one of the best weekends of my senior year.