what happens when you pray a prayer?

it happens.

I.E. I've been praying for growth lately. And I didn't really think my prayer through, I guess. When I thought growth, I just thought "Yes, God's going to reveal Himself to me throughout Scripture!" or "Yes! God will use me to bring someone to Him" I don't know, simple things like that is along the lines of what I was hoping would happen. But, the past couple weeks have been nothing but pain. I won't go into detail, but just relationship stuff that I've been through, it's happening again. And I mean, it's a different situation, but it brings up old pain and old memories and old lessons. And old insecurities. And since I've dealt with stuff like this, I'm hypersensitive to it, and it just KILLS sometimes. I've really struggled with it. Especially this week. I was practically giving in to the pain and letting it get to me. I prayed so hard last night about it! I was broken down! Ugh, it was awful. It hurt. But then today, I was patched back together a little bit. And this whole situation, as I was going through it, I totally didn't make the connection, but then today I sort of took a new perspective on it and I was like OOOH. Learning something. Oh. Okay. Okay!

Trials suck. Seriously. And praying for growth, and to be stretched, and for maturity, it might cause some trials to pop up. Just a warning. And even though today was a really good day for me, even thought I feel a lot better about it and Jesus just gave me a little pick-me-up, I know that this struggle isn't over. I'm really dreading tomorrow. But, I'm going to try and be joyful. I'm going to try and be joyful when I excluded. I'm going to try and be joyful when my feelings are hurt. I'm going to try to handle it like Jesus. I'm not going to give in like I have been and let it hurt me deep.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.
James 1:2

That's a toughy. And so is this struggle. It makes me want to stab something. It makes me so angry. It hurts my feelings, a lot. So, maybe just keep me in your prayers for the next week or so. But I know I'll get through it. God never lets go (through the calm and through the storm)! And I feel like whenever I start to take that for granted, God reminds me of it =] Which is good. But painful. But awesome. But in His Will, which makes it perfect!

The Heart that bleeds for me in times of need and with Its Love it soothes me of my pain and misery. The Arms that wrap me up and hold me tight and take away my my cold and gray so I know that I'll be alright.
-Aaron Pelsue Band