College. Phew, college. I feel like the biggest thing it's taught me is: I know so little. I've been meaning to write a blog about the top 10 or even 20 things I wish I would've known going into my freshman year of college, but that's not this blog.
It's funny how when things kick into motion, and life is flying by, how we seem to do our best to simply hold on. Lately, I've been struggling to do just that, to keep a grip on what is the wild ride of life. New friends, homework, work, old friends, events, volunteering, serving God, staying in the Word, entertainment, keeping up to date on TV shows, papers, church, clearing my head, praying, being frustrated, ranting to my mom, crying, laughing, being myself, understanding others, spontaneity, shopping, texting, hanging out with my little sister, social networking, casual conversations, listening to others, it goes on and on and on. I am so still struggling with burnout. And finding value in things. What is the point of all this; so often I just find myself thinking about what a hassle it all is and wishing for heaven. I like to hope for things. And I think that's good, I think that's human nature. But so often I'll hope for something and live in the future instead of the present. I'll think as soon as I graduate or as soon as the weekend comes or now as soon as it's summer. Hoping for those things is fine, and so is hoping for heaven, but letting it consume my thoughts and dwelling on those things is not so fine.
Lately I've been praying for contentment. To not only hold on to this crazy ride of life but to like... enjoy it. To live in the present. To have perseverance and enjoyment throughout this path God has for me. Haha, I feel like it's almost a mini midlife crisis... just kind of a "now what?" But, I don't want have that attitude. I've been making it a habit to pray that God would sustain me and I think I've begun to realize that... that may not be the best habit. Why just pray to survive when I could pray to be used. To make an impact. That is what I'm here for afterall! Maybe this sense of monotony and apathy comes from forgetting to acknowledge my purpose: to not only dwell in the Kingdom of God but to further it. And yeah, the futures gonna be stinkin' awesome, but I need to start appreciating the monotone, daily routines just as much as the things to look forward to. I'm falling on God's graces because my stupid human nature kind of sucks at living non-humanly. Oh life, and its lessons, and growing, and its wildness, and God, and His leading through it all. <3
oh & happy spring :)
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