lately,

Wow, things are busy. And different. And crazy. And good. And bad. And all over the place!!

First of all, there's the whole college decision looming.. It's like seriously hovering over my head, weight on my shoulders, dripping sink kind of thing. I think I know what I want, but then at the same time, I never took my ACTs and there's no time to so I'm just going to have to submit my SAT scores, and I didn't even do that well on my SAT and I haven't talked to my counselor yet about all of this, and it's all legalistic, and I have where I want to apply narrowed down to 4 top choices, but at the same time I really don't know if those are my 4 for sure top choices and all of this is buzzing around in my brain and I just keep plugging my ears because this feels like a really big decision and I just feel like if I put anything into action I would do it wrong and it's freaking me out that this decision will affect the rest of my life, but I know that God is in control, and for the time being I don't really feel like He's saying anything, which seems to be a thing that happens a lot (God knowing everything but not telling me because He's waiting for His time and not mine and testing my obedience and being in control and knowing what's best for me and whatnot) but right now, it's just still really stressful! And I just typed out a paragraph long sentence! Woah..

Second of all, and actually, this might've deserved to be first on my list of "lately"s, it's senior year. It's senior year, and that means that I'm a leader! It doesn't mean that I'm suppose to be a leader, or that I should think about influencing others with my life.. it means that I will! Being a senior automatically puts you in that position, and that's just a lot of pressure. Not only that about seniority, but the fact that you have no one to look up to as a senior. There's no one to really look at and ask them if you're doing such&such right, you just have to BE and look to God and no one else! It's going to be a desert year. And a year of perseverance. And a year of uncomfort. And a year of BEING, and not looking or asking or doubting.. I miss my old seniors more than they know, but now I am one of them! I can feel the eyes on me & the leadership title! It's so crazy, but I'm beyond up to the challenge. I know that God has given me this because I can handle it. Because "God either lightens the load or makes your back stronger"..and in this case I think it's a little bit of both.

Oh, the stretching and growings of a life striving after God, a life in ministry, and a life committed to loving others.