I've been personally writing since I was in 5th grade. I have three pretty thick journals as well as this baby you're reading right now (my blog!!). And I would just like to take an entry to reflect...
If you read some of my stuff from 5th grade.. it doesn't make ANY sense! And it's so boring! The first part of that journal reads like "My mommy is making mackaroni for dinner! That's my favoright meal! Today was a spelling test that I got a bad grayde on. I see a kid in front of me cheat on the qkuiz." And then, by the time you get to the end, it becomes a little more concrete, but most of it is about Lord of the Rings, HAH: "Today I went to go see LOTR ROTK - (I used to abbreviate it like that and everything, pathetic!) - for the third time in theaters. I noticed that this time Frodo had nasty scabs around his neck from the ring. That's so sad! Frodo is so cute! I love Frodo, I love Frodo, I love Frodo.." And then, time went on and my entries changed some more: "High school is so fun! I love all my friends at church, it's so much fun to play carpet ball. The other day, I was playing carpet ball with a really cute boy and I beat him! It was fun. I love church!"
And eventually my entries developed into writing that actually contained meaning. HAHA! Like I would talk about Jesus, and my friends, and life, and my faith. I read through my blog the other day... most of it, and WOW, what growth! Like, I read some entries and blogs and realize that I don't have those problems that I wrote about anymore! It's mind-blowing. And then I read other things that I've wrestled with over and over again in multiple blogs and I know that I still struggle with some of those issues. Like the shaft. Oh, the shaft. I will always struggle with the shaft. And there was something I read in a blog like "I don't know the balance between righteousness and mercy" and I was like, woah! That's so deep, when did I write that? I still need to work on that...
And it's crazy to look at everything that caused me so much pain! It just hurts your heart sometimes to follow Jesus, and man did I struggle with that! Man do I still struggle with that and I know I always will.. But, if anything, facing that adversity and feeling all of that pain has taught me that there's a certain level of patience you'll build up because of it. There's a certain level of obedience, a certain level of perseverance. And OH MY GOODNESS it's so hard to see the big picture with that when you're actually going through a time of trial! But, it's there. God's always there. He sees everything, and believe it or not He knows exactly what He's doing! It's soo cool to look back at my junior year and see that God knew exactly what He was doing with my heart. Just like right now, He knows exactly where He's taking me and what He's growing me in. It's just so hard to step away from the instantaneous suckyness and see His forever lasting beauty He's creating.
Now, this year. Senior year. I know this year is going to grow me in ways that I can't even wrap my mind around right now! And I know it's going to feel like God's taking a meat cleaver to me sometimes, but I can hold to God's promise to make me into a big, juicy steak. And I know it's going to be a year of perseverance and tolerance. People are dumb! And immature. And frustrating. And young. They don't know what they're doing! But, God calls us to love them. He tells me that the person I like the least is exactly how much I love Him. How convicting! I need to love, love, love. Give, give, give. Because by the end of this year, I want to look back and have no regrets about loving people and investing in them. Plus, I've forgotten how much other people can teach me! I see freshman do things that blow my mind! And they're only freshman :P! I also know that this year is going to be a test of trusting God. I mean, I have to decide where I'm going to spend the next four years of my life THIS YEAR. And I also have to trust that God will lead me there in His timing and not any sooner or later. I know that I'm going to want to go too; I know that I'm going to be full of such an itch to get out of my town and go off to bigger & better things. But, honestly, those things aren't bigger and better, because God has me right where He wants me for a reason, and I'll need to trust Him with that. And finally, I know that I need to be an example this year. I have the power to make a permanent impact on everyone in my life this year, because truth is, next year...this life won't be my life! I'll be somewhere totally different, with different people and a different residence! So crazy. I've got a lot to look forward to :)
But, above all, this year I want to be like Jesus in absolutely everything I do. Not only because I'm the oldest class, but because it's want He wants, and that's truly what I want to do above all. His Will. I want to do His Will above all. All the Glory to Him for what has happened already in my life, all the Glory to Him for what's currently going on, and all the Glory to Him for what's to come. I love Jesus for who He is and what He's done.
ps] HOW do I always get back to the God=butcher me=meat trials=tenderizing metaphor?!! HAH!
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